Sunday, May 15, 2016

Untitled

Why is Grandma wearing Huf socks?
Grandma, stop it. If you snort one marijuanas, you will no longer conform with Judeo-Christian principles. Those are not maple leafs you oblivious raisin.
Why can’t I sleep without looking through your favorites?
If there was a real-life equivalent, I would be arrested for espionage and being really creepy.
And why doesn’t Hillary just drop out already? She’s losing Twitter by 100% and is projected to lose Instagram next Tuesday. Bernie doesn’t have to google what a “whip/naenae” is. He knows already. You don’t have to be 18 to vote on the internet. Democracy? Radical, Teddy Bro-sevelt.
As such, I refuse to greet Dat Boi. He’s using his arms to balance on his unicycle, how will he wave back to me anyway. You don’t need to exclaim upon his approach. I can see it’s Dat Boi. So stop yelling profanity.
Yesterday I was without sauce and therefore lost but today I am lost within the sauce. How will I navigate my way back to safety? Only by following Gucci Mane’s ice cream tattoo. It is my North Star; swipe right.
… I’m alive. But why is there chicken in my dinosaur nuggets?
Oh I’m sorry, I forgot you’re a vegan. Thanks for telling me again. I can see that you are eating cardboard. Well, I do Crossfit. Between our species, who will become master of the galaxy?
Speaking of America, all bigots to isle two please. All bigots report to isle two, social-justice-warrior number 1 is going to burn you at the stake. This country needs a juice cleanse, thank you for your cooperation.
I’ve never read the terms and conditions. But Squidward hit the dab and now my sister does too.

2 comments: